Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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