that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Randomize
