Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
