Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed š
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I feel kind of like weāre in a gang and tonight is one of those āpeople are gonna know not to fuck with usā type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. Iām not really sure how I got to this point in my lifeā¦ but I like it.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
