the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
