just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
