Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I met the friendliest cop last night
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
