watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
