I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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