Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
