He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
