just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
