So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
