i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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