I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
