just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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