There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
