Farmville is her only friend.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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