May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
