Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
