if i can run in heels then i can drive
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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