i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
