you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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