Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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