Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think a kid would responsible me up
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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