everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
