my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize