I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Randomize
