maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
