I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
