The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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