i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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