I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Randomize
