you guys were way drunker than both of me
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
