wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
