there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
