this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
he shaved USA in his pubs
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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