WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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