I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think your dad took our porno
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
