I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
