I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
