I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
