The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
