one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
