no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
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