Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
