dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
