So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Randomize
