I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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