Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
