I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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