Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I'm getting married
To pizza
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
