I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
