i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
