Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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