Umm I'm too high to move.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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