apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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