Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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