You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
