You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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