Don't make out with my wife yet
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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