Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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