thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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