I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Randomize
