i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
