3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
