shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
