Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Sacagawea was the original milf.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
