Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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