After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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