Cold hands, warm shart.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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