She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
