Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
