After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
this is an emotional support booty call
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
