You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
The best revenge is premature balding
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
