My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Only a mothe r could love this liver
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
