I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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