Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Randomize
