nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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