These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
love makes seman taste better
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You need a sexual gate keeper
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
