And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
